Same Shame, Different Story: Men, Women, and Compulsive Sex

Shame, Stigma, and the Hidden Struggle

Compulsive sexual behavior (CSB) often gets framed as a “male problem,” but women also face a quiet, hidden battle. Societal double standards amplify shame—women fear being labeled “promiscuous” rather than recognized as struggling with a real mental health issue (Lewczuk et al., 2021). Many delay seeking help, framing distress as “relationship issues” or “low self-worth” instead of naming sexual compulsivity.

Both men and women carry deep shame, but society shapes how it’s experienced, expressed, and addressed.

Similarities across genders:

• Shame is central for both men and women (Dhuffar & Griffiths, 2018)

• Stigma—social and internalized—delays help-seeking and increases isolation

• Trauma and self-worth struggles are common

Differences by gender:

• Women:

  • Internalize shame due to societal sexual double standards

  • Face moral judgment and relational consequences

  • More likely to seek help, but often indirectly (e.g., relationship or self-worth issues)

• Men:

  • May act out visibly but detach or externalize shame

  • Struggle with feelings of weakness or lack of control

  • Masculinity norms often block help-seeking

Letting go of shame frees us to heal and grow. Embracing authenticity empowers us to face our struggles and reclaim our lives.